Christmas had come and I was as giddy as a high-school teenager fixing to get his first lick of love. I don’t spoil my son. I hardly ever buy him toys. His mother’s family does that way to much. I work hard to let him know I won’t spoil him. When Christmas came, however, that was a reason to splurge. I finally had an excuse – blame Santa. In buying him toys, I had two restrictions. First, it had to be something he could do on his own (teach him independence). Two, it had to be something to build self-confidence.
I failed miserably at both.
I had bought him several of the 20-year-and-growing-more-popular action figures: Wheelie, Optimus Prime, Megatron, Bumblebee; you name it. Out of eleven, I ended up returning 7 of them. I knew some of them would be hard. I can’t even figure out Optimus. When I voiced my concern before he opened his presents my mother had told me kids have that mindset necessary to figure out those puzzles.
My son used to be one of those that wanted to figure out things on his own, anyway. He never really would shy from problem-solving. He did puzzles. Learned to hit a baseball. Ride a bike. Mostly on his own. But, somewhere, somehow, over the last several years he changed. It wasn’t anymore about how he could figure something out. It was how he could avoid it. Especially, if no one was there to do it for him.
When he wanted me to do them, I would tell him no. When he came up with excuses before he even tried (“My hand’s going to be tired”), I got upset. My son was setting himself up for failure before even trying. Most of the time I’d tell him I knew he could do it. Just like when he was afraid to jump in the deep end of the pool and swim the length. Once he realized he could, he couldn’t stop. Same with his bike.
Eventually, he figured out Megatron, the simplest of them all. He came close with the others. But, he would get stuck.
The bitch that I really have with my setup is that my son is just like me. He’ll lose focus quickly. He’ll get distracted. It’s not the trying that’s the problem. It’s getting into that mindset. Such is the case with the websites I run. When I’m in that mood, I can’t be stopped. When I’m not in that mood, expect nothing.
My son struggling at figuring out Transformers has hurt him to some extent. Maybe I rushed him. Maybe I just didn’t handle his acceptability to fail in the right way.
Either way, his self-confidence is hurt. And, in a way, so is mine as a father. Either way, it must be fixed. That has to be one of the hardest damn jobs of a parent.
One day, Optimus Prime, I’ll get you. I’LL GET YOU!!!
